ladies , some rules for you !!

[dunderheed]

Some important rules



SOME RULES - FROM MEN 2 WOMEN

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times,without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't
mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.

If you decide to stand in the buff in front of the TV, make sure you
put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it wont happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and
please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my
teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child
related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:

a) I will not go,

b) I will not go, and

c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to
watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Regards,

Men of the World

[Billy Boy]

How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.

What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
Sex.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.


What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."

Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they're all pigs.

[Kenn]

On ye'r bike pal!
There are many things more important that football.
Fortunately I am married to a man that doesn't like the sport and I have never understood the tribal rutuals that go with a bunch of over paid divas so for the next few weeks, I'm saving a fortune. TV switched off, radio too.
Ye ha there is life outside of soccer and reality TV.

[Patsy]

Hehe well said Lizz [lol] Who cares about kicking a ball around a field all day anyway :roll: LOL

[changilass]

Hehe well said Lizz [lol] Who cares about kicking a ball around a field all day anyway :roll: LOL

Just don't try getting hold of Liz when it's Rugby, Cricket etc lol

[angela5]

How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable."


If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building at the same time, who would reach the ground first?
The woman ... the man would get lost.


Why does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it's never used.

[angela5]

When a man volunteers to do the 'BBQ' the following chain of events are put into motion:

The woman goes to the store.
The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, beer in hand.
The man places the meat on the grill.
The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
Everyone praises man and thanks him for his cooking efforts.
The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off."

[angela5]

Fairy Tale for Women of the 21st Century


Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself: I don't think so! :lol:

[Ricco]

If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building at the same time, who would reach the ground first?
The woman ... the man would get lost.


No, no Angela5. The man woould hit first because the woman would have done some window shopping on the way down. lol:lol:

[celtic 302]

were not all incomptent beer and football mad fools

[kas]

All jokes aside girls, you should be watching the World cup even if you dont like football, it worth it for some of the talent alone. Some fit footie players in some of the teams. The football is quite good as well.

[golach]

Just don't try getting hold of Liz when it's Rugby, Cricket etc lol
Good one wee cuz, how very true. Come on Lizz, behave and stop telling porkies [lol]

[Ann]

Fairy Tale for Women of the 21st Century


Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself: I don't think so! :lol:


Brlliant! :lol: As are all the others! Ann