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Commore
01-May-10, 20:46
Have you ever been the subject of malicious gossip? and if you have, how did you deal with it?

How did it affect you, were you angry, upset, anxious, stressed?

Did it affect your homelife or have a negative affect on your business?

What if any steps did you take to remedy?

Did you seek legal remedy? what was the outcome?

If you knew the person who was fabricating lie after lie about you, and you knew why this person might do such a thing, what would you do?


http://www.wikihow.com/Squelch-Malicious-Gossip

dragonfly
01-May-10, 21:01
phone the Jeremy Kyle hotline get them on the show and get the programme to do lie detector and dna tests :lol:

if it is seriously malicious, see a solicitor

Dadie
01-May-10, 21:03
I am bemused!
Tried to let some people know the rumours are unfounded by telling them the rumour is untrue... by going into work looking like a yummy mummy with a flat tum (big pants) when I went in to change my pass.... but as im still on maternity leave(due back 1st Jan) there is nothing else I can do (well in 9 mnths time they will know the rumours are not true) as I wont have another baby if the fact that I dont have a bump doesnt give them a clue... other than that I denied the rumour on the org....
Oh well .. the rumour starter has nothing else to do obviously but Im not that bothered but I had better not put any weight on incase I get asked when are you due? because that would bother me:eek:
If I knew who started the rumour they would get the full force of me in hissy fit mode! I dont do angry often but when I do everyone knows about it!:lol:

series2A
01-May-10, 21:12
I have had lies told about me by Highland Social Services I have been trying to prove it for 2 years but as with any goverment run agency who are the only people you can complain too even with evidence of their lies even by independent wittnesses your basically banging your head against a wall.
I personally will keep at it until I get an indepentant enquiry or I drop dead.
But thats me most people (I have been told I'm wasting my time and not to bother) would have not bothered.

Yes it does make me angry as other people who can't defend themselves are involved
Yes it has effected my personal life mainly due to the time of writing letters to politicians and the SS and trying to get people to come forward and not be frightened by these bureaucrats
Unfortunatley I'm not in the financial position to get legal advice/help I'm not a politician earning excess of £65 grand so I'm not entitled to legal help

Kathy@watten
01-May-10, 21:12
To put rumour mills out of work you need to either have a thick skin or move to an inner city area where nobody knows anyone and mind their own beeswax, thankfully up here if you do forget what you were meant to be doing or what you have done there is always someone who can tell you...allbeit with arms and legs. Unless the rumours are of a deflamatorry nature where life or quality of life are at risk I doubt the sueing route would be the way to go...might even fuel the rumour mill further.

Commore
01-May-10, 21:18
To put rumour mills out of work you need to either have a thick skin or move to an inner city area where nobody knows anyone and mind their own beeswax, thankfully up here if you do forget what you were meant to be doing or what you have done there is always someone who can tell you...allbeit with arms and legs. Unless the rumours are of a deflamatorry nature where life or quality of life are at risk I doubt the sueing route would be the way to go...might even fuel the rumour mill further.

Funnily enough I wholeheartedly agree with you,
best perhaps, not to forget, rather to ignore, rise above it and get on with life, :)

Bartlett Boy
01-May-10, 21:20
Gossip can cause a lot of problems for folk. As we know from good exerience!!! We lost a house and living because of gossip. It hurts and it really makes you angry but to be honest it's best just to grin and bare it and they will soon have something else to talk about. Infact I'm sure the people starting the gossip can't stand it when people say things about them!!!

Commore
01-May-10, 21:21
I have had lies told about me by Highland Social Services I have been trying to prove it for 2 years but as with any goverment run agency who are the only people you can complain too even with evidence of their lies even by independent wittnesses your basically banging your head against a wall.
I personally will keep at it until I get an indepentant enquiry or I drop dead.
But thats me most people (I have been told I'm wasting my time and not to bother) would have not bothered.

The red tape involved is not always worth the stress, although I do see your point,
but to always remember, that at times, not even the courts can offer full resolution.
Fight or flight, a difficult choice indeed.

Commore
01-May-10, 21:22
I am bemused!
Tried to let some people know the rumours are unfounded by telling them the rumour is untrue... by going into work looking like a yummy mummy with a flat tum (big pants) when I went in to change my pass.... but as im still on maternity leave(due back 1st Jan) there is nothing else I can do (well in 9 mnths time they will know the rumours are not true) as I wont have another baby if the fact that I dont have a bump doesnt give them a clue... other than that I denied the rumour on the org....
Oh well .. the rumour starter has nothing else to do obviously but Im not that bothered but I had better not put any weight on incase I get asked when are you due? because that would bother me:eek:
If I knew who started the rumour they would get the full force of me in hissy fit mode! I dont do angry often but when I do everyone knows about it!:lol:

I remember your previous thread, I can almost feel your anger.

John Little
01-May-10, 21:24
"Fight or flight, a difficult choice indeed."

Not necessarily - there is a third option.

Damn their eyes, spit at their feet and tell em to prattle their worst - you don't give a hoot.

Commore
01-May-10, 21:24
Gossip can cause a lot of problems for folk. As we know from good exerience!!! We lost a house and living because of gossip. It hurts and it really makes you angry but to be honest it's best just to grin and bare it and they will soon have something else to talk about. Infact I'm sure the people starting the gossip can't stand it when people say things about them!!!

Ditto, I agree with you in every sense.

Commore
01-May-10, 21:27
"Fight or flight, a difficult choice indeed."

Not necessarily - there is a third option.

Damn their eyes, spit at their feet and tell em to prattle their worst - you don't give a hoot.

Hmm, like that choice too.

EDDIE
01-May-10, 21:29
Have you ever been the subject of malicious gossip? and if you have, how did you deal with it?

How did it affect you, were you angry, upset, anxious, stressed?

Did it affect your homelife or have a negative affect on your business?

What if any steps did you take to remedy?

Did you seek legal remedy? what was the outcome?

If you knew the person who was fabricating lie after lie about you, and you knew why this person might do such a thing, what would you do?


http://www.wikihow.com/Squelch-Malicious-Gossip#


Make a joke about it once people no you aint bothered about the rumour it will die the worst thing about a rumour is everyone adds on abit without relising and about 20 people later the story is completley different from the original rumour

series2A
01-May-10, 21:31
The red tape involved is not always worth the stress, although I do see your point,
but to always remember, that at times, not even the courts can offer full resolution.
Fight or flight, a difficult choice indeed.

I hit the post button before I posted so I was editing when you were replying.
My main concern is other people who can not defend themselves are being abused and no one is prepared to listen as it involves SS and many people are very frightened (with good cause as I have found out) and want to stay well away with any complaints against these people as previous cases in other parts of the country have found out after independent enquirers have been done unfortunatley after a death or severe injury which as far as I'm concerned is too late especialy when warning (and more than one) had been ignored

Dadie
01-May-10, 21:33
Wasnt that bothered about the rumour until a good friend of mine phoned me a bit put out that I never told her that I was pregnant.... I then nearly fell out with her for listening to the gossip (she was one of the first people i told when I was pregnant with all 3 kids!).... then my hubby and my dad both told me they heard the gossip at work and both of them are not really in the gossip loop so to speak!
So apart from this im in ignore mode.....
not letting it bother or affect me apart from keeping the weight off (which wont be a bad thing anyway!:lol:)

Commore
01-May-10, 21:36
I hit the post button before I posted so I was editing when you were replying.
My main concern is other people who can not defend themselves are being abused and no one is prepared to listen as it involves SS and many people are very frightened (with good cause as I have found out) and want to stay well away with any complaints against these people as previous cases in other parts of the country have found out after independent enquirers have been done unfortunatley after a death or severe injury which as far as I'm is too late especialy when warning (and more than one) had been ignored

Well in that case you need to form a group of like minded individuals, who despite all are prepared to "take on the establishment" as it were,
in my experience " lone people" are seldom heard, let alone seen and are never recognised.
I wish you luck in your fight,
all the best as they say :)

series2A
01-May-10, 21:42
Wish it was that easy to find like minded people I was threatend with "be quite or you'll be financialy effected" I didn't and I was but money dosent really bother me but unfortunately others need it.
Thanks for your good luck.

poppett
01-May-10, 22:46
People who know you know better. People who don`t know you don`t matter.

Dadie
01-May-10, 22:48
thats why i was so annoyed with my friend!

joxville
02-May-10, 01:20
Have you ever been the subject of malicious gossip? and if you have, how did you deal with it?

How did it affect you, were you angry, upset, anxious, stressed?

Did it affect your homelife or have a negative affect on your business?

What if any steps did you take to remedy?

Did you seek legal remedy? what was the outcome?

If you knew the person who was fabricating lie after lie about you, and you knew why this person might do such a thing, what would you do?


http://www.wikihow.com/Squelch-Malicious-Gossip
Yes, I've been the victim.

I was supposed to be having an affair with my son's childminder, which was the reason for my marriage ending. This was the same childminder that I'd never met, seen nor knew existed until my ex needed one when we separated and I had moved to England. We didn't bother defending the rumours, it was just the usual small town gossip you get anywhere; what people don't know, they make up. Only she and I know why our marriage broke down, it had sod all to do with anyone else. Eventually the gossp died down, no doubt they found someone else to talk about. :roll:

upolian
02-May-10, 09:08
When it happens at first you get really mad,you soon learn....If they are talking about you somebody else is getting a break!

ducati
02-May-10, 09:46
You should be flattered really, you have made enough of an impact to merit talking about. Personally I try to remain anonamouse :Razz

viking
02-May-10, 10:15
"Fight or flight, a difficult choice indeed."

Not necessarily - there is a third option.

Damn their eyes, spit at their feet and tell em to prattle their worst - you don't give a hoot.

Fight, every time. Carry on as usual, head held high and they'll soon get fed up and move on to someone else. Have been a victim of gossip many times as I guess we all have! Smile confidently - even if you're shaking in your shoes! Whatever you do, don't get drunk and confront in public. Things could go horribly wrong! Good Luck.

upolian
02-May-10, 10:16
You should be flattered really, you have made enough of an impact to merit talking about. Personally I try to remain anonamouse :Razz


Squeak Squeak:Razz

Blarney
02-May-10, 10:23
That'll be why I never heard a squeak about anyone either! Seriously, I also adhere to the 'Hold your head up high and ignore them all' principle. Nothing annoys the scandalmonger brigade more than their 'victims' behaving with disinterest and dignity.

sweetpea
02-May-10, 10:28
#


Make a joke about it once people no you aint bothered about the rumour it will die the worst thing about a rumour is everyone adds on abit without relising and about 20 people later the story is completley different from the original rumour

That would be my preferred way of dealing with it. I'd bring the rumour up with people and add the arms and legs myself. Shock value usually works, that and a really thick skin.

Doreen
02-May-10, 10:49
Todays news is tomorrows fish and chip wrappers. When somthing juicy comes along they always move on[lol]

The Drunken Duck
02-May-10, 11:00
I had a couple of people in Wick churn out rumours about me just before I left, I just kidded on that I didn't hear about it. This just encouraged them to up the ante and that's when I started making stuff up about myself. Feeding that into the system just made it funnier. I was sitting in Wetherspoons one day having a breakfast and the two main rumour mongers came and sat behind me and started talking about me, obviously trying to antagonise me. They were joined by a further woman who started declaring all sorts about me, most of which had been started by me. They were just fishing for a reaction.

One rumour was repeated by the newcomer and the other two asked "Who told you that ??", third woman then pointed at me and said "Him". Then the penny obviously dropped with them and I decided it was time to leave. Got up, smiled, said "How much fun was that ??" as I walked away.

Thumper
02-May-10, 11:17
I have been the victim of gossip a few times,and at first I was gutted and really upset about it as some of the stories going around were crazy,but then I decided to play them at their own game and started to add arms and legs to what i heard about myself,I remember one woman asking me if it was true about a rumour that was going round about me and I replied no its wasnt just the one man,I had 2 at the same time,shut her up quickly thats for sure!;) x

squidge
02-May-10, 11:20
Laugh and laugh and laugh again, hold your head up high, smile and be nice even to those who are responsible. You will be the winner. Besides which if they are talking about you they aren't talking about someone who is going to be hurt by it.

I have spent many a time wondering why on earth people tell lies about other people and i have come to the conclusion it is about making themselves look more important or cleverer or better than they are. Once i realised that underneath they are sad lonely spiteful people with nothing better to do I soon stopped bothering.

And see when you bump into them in the street it gives you a wee thrill of contentment to see them jump with unease whilst you smile and ask how they are and be nice to them. They dont know WHERE to put themselves.

Bazeye
02-May-10, 12:28
I dont mind being the victim of malicious gossip. Its usually true anyway.

Vistravi
02-May-10, 13:49
The only rumour that has bothered me was one that was going round that i was cheating on my partner with the local mantart (don't think i'm allowed to say it how i usually refer to him as lol) My partner was offshore at the time and i was being pestered by this guy. He stopped as soon as my partner was home and would carry on again once he was gone again. That is untill i told him what i would do to him if he carried on harressing me lol. I was rather blunt with him and boy did it work :lol:

But it bothered me at first especilly when one of my partners friend's told him what i appartently was doing when he was away. I had already warned him that someone had made up a rumour about me cheating on him already so he put his friend straight on it. I know who started it and i had words with him and now he won't cross me.

But as much as its annoying it best to just ignore it and get on with what you usually do. Some people honestly have nothing better to do but make up rubbish about other people.

Bazeye
02-May-10, 15:29
The only rumour that has bothered me was one that was going round that i was cheating on my partner with the local mantart (don't think i'm allowed to say it how i usually refer to him as lol) My partner was offshore at the time and i was being pestered by this guy. He stopped as soon as my partner was home and would carry on again once he was gone again. That is untill i told him what i would do to him if he carried on harressing me lol. I was rather blunt with him and boy did it work :lol:

But it bothered me at first especilly when one of my partners friend's told him what i appartently was doing when he was away. I had already warned him that someone had made up a rumour about me cheating on him already so he put his friend straight on it. I know who started it and i had words with him and now he won't cross me.

But as much as its annoying it best to just ignore it and get on with what you usually do. Some people honestly have nothing better to do but make up rubbish about other people.

It wasnt me, honest.:)

horseman
02-May-10, 15:53
I have been the victim of gossip a few times,and at first I was gutted and really upset about it as some of the stories going around were crazy,but then I decided to play them at their own game and started to add arms and legs to what i heard about myself,I remember one woman asking me if it was true about a rumour that was going round about me and I replied no its wasnt just the one man,I had 2 at the same time,shut her up quickly thats for sure!;) x
Nice one absolutely thumps'''-an it was only one geezer????:roll:

Thumper
02-May-10, 16:49
Nice one absolutely thumps'''-an it was only one geezer????:roll:

Thanks Horseman,if you cant beat them ,give them more to talk about I say :lol: it totally confuses them ;) x

Commore
02-May-10, 20:01
Fight, every time. Carry on as usual, head held high and they'll soon get fed up and move on to someone else. Have been a victim of gossip many times as I guess we all have! Smile confidently - even if you're shaking in your shoes! Whatever you do, don't get drunk and confront in public. Things could go horribly wrong! Good Luck.

This is good advice, thank you :)