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connieb19
03-Jun-06, 11:36
The following are extracts from complaints letters received by the council from tenants;-



I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think that it was the wind the other night that blew them off.



My lavatory seat is cracked. Where do I stand?
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
50 per cent of the walls are damp, 50 per cent have crumbling plaster and 50 per cent are plain filthy.
I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
Will you please send a man to look at my water. It is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
It's the dog mess I find hard to swallow.
Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round.
I am a single woman living downstairs. Would you do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
I have had the clerk of works down on the floor 6 times but I still have no satisfaction.
This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.
The man next door has an unsightly erection in his front garden.
He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just cant take it anymore.
I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus

Kingetter
03-Jun-06, 11:48
Connie!
I'm suing you for damage to trousers,furniture and carpet! I'm also rather thirsty now that I've emptied!
James.

beena
03-Jun-06, 12:37
Connie it has been a long time since i laughted so much
thanks for cheering me up
beena

Billy Boy
03-Jun-06, 12:43
nice one lol ma sides are sore wi laughing :lol: :lol:

unicorn
03-Jun-06, 12:45
Brilliant post....... shame about my coffee snorting lol. just missed pc screen

cuddlepop
03-Jun-06, 13:04
Very funny Connie and probably all true.How do you keep a sraight face at housing repairs when someone comes away with one of these beauties[lol]

airdlass
03-Jun-06, 13:17
Absolutely brilliant! Got any more?

angela5
03-Jun-06, 14:23
[lol] That was fab connie [lol]

angela5
03-Jun-06, 14:28
A man opened his cornflakes and found an insect. He wrote to the manufacturer who replied that his letter had caused a great deal of concern at head office. To find an insect in their product was, they thought, impossible: they would close the factory and fumigate it. They expressed their gratitude to the man for bringing such a serious matter to their attention. The man was delighted especially as the manufacturer had sent him vouchers so he could get replacement packs. However, his delight was cut short when he read the Post-It note attached to the letter. It was from the Vice President of Consumer Affairs and read: "Send this creep the usual insect letter". [lol]

connieb19
03-Jun-06, 17:45
"Is there chicken in your vegetarian gumbo?" -- Asked of a waitress.
"Just the chicken." -- The response a waitress gave when asked if there were any dairy products in a soup.
"Would you like cream and sugar with that?" -- Asked by a waitress when a customer specified orange juice instead of coffee as part of a breakfast meal.
"Do you want cheese on that?" -- Asked when a customer ordered a plain cheeseburger.
"You want fries with that?" -- Asked when a customer ordered an apple turnover.
"Do you want onions on that?" -- A waitress, in response to a couple ordering a milk shake and a large cola.
"Is there any meat in the veggie rolls?"
"Do you get rice with your fried rice?"
"I'm sorry, we only have six inch and foot long subs." -- A waitress, when asked for a 12 inch sub.
"Would you like to care for a cup of coffee?" -- A waitress.
"Which of these coffees did you want with cream and sugar?" -- Asked of a customer who had ordered two coffees, one with cream and sugar and one without.
"Do you want that in a bag?" -- Asked of a customer who ordered coffee to go.
"Is this for here or to go?" -- Asked of a Dairy Queen customer at a drive-through window.
"What's the difference between the 1/4 pounder and the 1/3 pounder?"
"What's the difference?" -- Asked of a waitress when asked if the customer would like breadsticks with or without cheese.
"Sir, we only have one thousand island dressing." -- A waitress, when asked for two thousand island dressings.
"How many pieces are in the eight piece chicken deal?"
"How much is the $1.99 popcorn chicken?"
"Is the honey mustard sauce sweet?"
"Is the spicy chicken just spicy or is it hot and spicy?"
"Would you like the sale price?" -- A fast food worker, asking how a customer would like to pay for his order of two special sandwiches.
"That's not an animal. It's a mammal." -- Cafeteria worker serving shrimp at a public high school.
"Does your ice cream contain dairy products?" -- A customer at the drive-through of a fast food restaurant.
"Excuse me. These ham and cheese rolls -- do they have ham in them?" -- A customer at a bakery cafe.
"Don't you guys have them 99 cent Whoppers?" -- Asked of a Taco Bell cashier.
"This is to go." -- Commonly said by customers at drive-through windows.
"I'd like a large Pepsi pizza." -- A customer ordering pizza over the phone. After saying this, the customer was heard saying to someone else with him, "Wait, Chuck, is that right?"