plasticjock
26-Apr-10, 21:39
I'm no great shakes in the kitchen, although my Heinz Beans on Warburton's Extra Thick Cut toast, spread with Utterly Butterly has drawn many compliments, but I've been inspired by some of those TV cookery programs, in particular Gordon Ramsey's, to create my own 'Less Is More' dish.
As far as I'm aware it is suitable for vegans, vegetarians, those on or considering going on a diet, and is also nut- and gluten-free.
The ingredients are ultra-cheap, the preparation time is non-existent (brilliant for those with a busy schedule) and unlike those aforementioned TV programs, there is virtually no cleaning up to do afterwards.
The recipe and preparation is as follows:
Prepare one pre-chilled dock-leaf by removing it from the fridge and placing it on a dinner-plate of reasonable dimensions.
Drizzle one tablespoonful of room-temperature moth-spit over the leaf.
Place three grains of Uncle Ben's Microwave Pilau Rice artfully around the leaf.
The placement of these grains will allow free reign to express yourself artistically.
No starters are required as these would detract from the taste sensation of the main meal.
A dessert would not be required either, but if one feels the need to make a statement take an ice-cream wafer crumble it into a tissue and then throw it into the bin.
In preparing this for a dinner party it is advisable to swear loudly at and liberally insult your guests from the kitchen to create that Ramsey ambiance as they eagerly await the fare you will be serving them. It also ensures that they won't be hanging around after the meal waiting for you to open a bottle of wine. A glass of tap-water with the merest hint of lime-juice cordial to remove the chlorine aroma will suffice...and surprise.
If any of your guests, as they are putting on their coats prior to leaving (and who fancy themselves as gourmets), disparage your efforts just remind them that Gordon would not allow them to leave without settling the bill first (which you estimate to be over £100 each). And no...they can't use your phone to ring for taxis!
Once they've departed in high dudgeon, and with no prospect of your ever getting invited to THEIR dinner parties, head back to the kitchen and get stuck into preparing your Heinz Beans on Warburton's Extra Thick Cut toast, spread with Utterly Butterly with a big mug of tea.
Yes, I do live alone...why do you ask?
As far as I'm aware it is suitable for vegans, vegetarians, those on or considering going on a diet, and is also nut- and gluten-free.
The ingredients are ultra-cheap, the preparation time is non-existent (brilliant for those with a busy schedule) and unlike those aforementioned TV programs, there is virtually no cleaning up to do afterwards.
The recipe and preparation is as follows:
Prepare one pre-chilled dock-leaf by removing it from the fridge and placing it on a dinner-plate of reasonable dimensions.
Drizzle one tablespoonful of room-temperature moth-spit over the leaf.
Place three grains of Uncle Ben's Microwave Pilau Rice artfully around the leaf.
The placement of these grains will allow free reign to express yourself artistically.
No starters are required as these would detract from the taste sensation of the main meal.
A dessert would not be required either, but if one feels the need to make a statement take an ice-cream wafer crumble it into a tissue and then throw it into the bin.
In preparing this for a dinner party it is advisable to swear loudly at and liberally insult your guests from the kitchen to create that Ramsey ambiance as they eagerly await the fare you will be serving them. It also ensures that they won't be hanging around after the meal waiting for you to open a bottle of wine. A glass of tap-water with the merest hint of lime-juice cordial to remove the chlorine aroma will suffice...and surprise.
If any of your guests, as they are putting on their coats prior to leaving (and who fancy themselves as gourmets), disparage your efforts just remind them that Gordon would not allow them to leave without settling the bill first (which you estimate to be over £100 each). And no...they can't use your phone to ring for taxis!
Once they've departed in high dudgeon, and with no prospect of your ever getting invited to THEIR dinner parties, head back to the kitchen and get stuck into preparing your Heinz Beans on Warburton's Extra Thick Cut toast, spread with Utterly Butterly with a big mug of tea.
Yes, I do live alone...why do you ask?