View Full Version : good or bad parenting?
ok, just thinking this... as a debate on another poll...
as parents what is your opininong on this..
small children have temper tantrums..
is it a sign of bad parenting? what age should a child no longer get angry, scream, or be out of control of their emotions? ohhh and be sure to state wheter your a parent or not!
thanks
brandy
ShelleyCowie
08-Apr-10, 13:08
As i said on the other thread, i believe kids have tantrums. Its just what they do. Its a way of them expressing feelings. If they cant let the emotion out then whats the point in anyone having emotions?
Adults might take tantrums in a different way. Like arguing with a partner, friend or family.
Athrun takes little tantrums. I say little because he used to head butt things. Mainly to get my attention, but as time has gone on he no longer does that. His tantrums are not bad, he lies down on the floor and just huffs for a while. Simple!
Not bad parenting. Because i know im a great mother. No matter what anyone says! :D
Edit - would also like to hear what some of the parents who have said "yes its bad parenting - im a bad parent" has to say. Not to argue, just to understand
telfordstar
08-Apr-10, 13:20
As i said on the other thread, i believe kids have tantrums. Its just what they do. Its a way of them expressing feelings. If they cant let the emotion out then whats the point in anyone having emotions?
Adults might take tantrums in a different way. Like arguing with a partner, friend or family.
Athrun takes little tantrums. I say little because he used to head butt things. Mainly to get my attention, but as time has gone on he no longer does that. His tantrums are not bad, he lies down on the floor and just huffs for a while. Simple!
Not bad parenting. Because i know im a great mother. No matter what anyone says! :D
Edit - would also like to hear what some of the parents who have said "yes its bad parenting - im a bad parent" has to say. Not to argue, just to understand
Well said Shelley that pretty much somes up what I was going to write as well. If im honest I would be a tad worried if my child didnt have some kindo tantrum/strop like its been said its away of showing emotions the only way they know how.
There probably is a line to which i child is having a tantrum due to showing emotion and a tantrun due to a child being "spoiled".
ShelleyCowie
08-Apr-10, 13:33
Well said Shelley that pretty much somes up what I was going to write as well. If im honest I would be a tad worried if my child didnt have some kindo tantrum/strop like its been said its away of showing emotions the only way they know how.
There probably is a line to which i child is having a tantrum due to showing emotion and a tantrun due to a child being "spoiled".
Your right, there is a fine line between emotion and being spoiled. And i try to keep on the emotion side with athrun. He is a definate mummys boy. Might aswell be sewn on to my hip actually. He loves his dad when i am hoovering lol.
But if it came to the point he seemed to take tantrums because of being spoiled i would nip that in the bud immediately.
I guess i spoil him a tiny bit, but not in a bad way! I try not to over-do it with toys but my friends and family love buying him things.
onecalledk
08-Apr-10, 13:47
tantrums are a sign that the child has a huge amount of emotion that is overwhelming them at that point in time. Lots of emotions can be felt by people at different times of their lives, for a child who is growing these can be confusing and upsetting.
I firmly believe it is in our role of parents that we show the child how to work through these feelings. Explaining to the child how to deal with the feelings so that next time they will choose to act differently.
It is children who were not allowed to express their emotions or who were not guided by their parents as to what the emotions were and how to handle them that are todays out of control people.
Anger for example is a healthy emotion but anger in a child is something that a lot of parents find frightening to deal with. So they push the anger away, they chastise the child for being angry and that anger is then stored in the child. Stored emotions wreak havoc on our physical bodies later on in life.
An adult who uses their anger to get what they want was a child who anger frightened their parents and was never taught how to handle that emotion effectively.
Children need to learn how to control their feelings and their actions. But they also need to give a name to the emotion they are feeling.
I personally believe that if we lived in a society which was more open with our feelings we would not have the high suicide rate in the 17 - 24yr old age bracket we have and we would cause less harm to ourselves in the long run.
Children need to be guided. Difficult to do when said child is lying screaming on the floor in the middle of tesco but a one they need to learn never the less.
K
im a numpty.. i hit the wrong button on my own post! i hit yes instead of no.. so it should be no i dont think its bad parenting, im a parent.
another reason that children throw tantrums is when they have had a very long day and are over tired or stimulated.
for instance i figure several children will be ill tempered in a few hours.. we just had sam a bday party.. we had lots of games running around and copius amounts of sugar and chocolate.. we stood back and watched the aggression in them as they destroyed the pinyata.. wow that was scary.. but they were all really good at the party and well behaved, however tonight when the sugar highs drop and tiredness sets in, we will have several angry, tired and irritable 5-8 year olds!
I haven't voted, parenting is hard work and people do the best they can. It's made harder when people judge.It is a normal part of development to try and get all you want when you want it by kicking off. Whether head banging as a toddler or later.
There are kids who have such a difficulty with seeing things long term that tantrums come more frequently and later in their young lives. Christopher Green who wrote toddler taming - a wonderful book and an inspiring guy himself got into working with kids with ADHD because for some kids the rules didn't work....... they just could not see the benefit of behaving differently long term.
So, the point.... some kids are just harder to parent, lots of professionals advise from a position of supposed wisdom when the truth is they just had less hard work to do parenting their offspring.
onecalledk
08-Apr-10, 18:24
the book was a life saver both the toddler taming, the babies one previous to this and how to survive the 7-12 yr olds. If nothing else it gave a good sense of perspective of the behaviour of the child.
I totally agree that parenting is difficult and also agree that so called professionals dont have all the answers.
Our little people are just that little people, who need love and guidance. As long as we approach them in love we can only do our best....
K
I can still have temper tantrums, sulk and pout!
Even go on strike for days:eek:
And Im a Mum of 3 ....
Temper tantrums, foot stamping, shouting its not fair, I hate you, slamming of doors can and does continue into teenage years (remembering mine) when rebelling against the rules:lol:
Not the throwing yourself on the floor and screaming type of tantrums toddlers have... not so cool when a teenager...
And Im a Mum of 3 ....
That's a bit young to be a mum :eek:
3 kids ... sometimes I act more like my shoe size (5) than my real age which is more than 25 but less than 40!
telfordstar
08-Apr-10, 22:02
I haven't voted, parenting is hard work and people do the best they can. It's made harder when people judge.It is a normal part of development to try and get all you want when you want it by kicking off. Whether head banging as a toddler or later.
There are kids who have such a difficulty with seeing things long term that tantrums come more frequently and later in their young lives. Christopher Green who wrote toddler taming - a wonderful book and an inspiring guy himself got into working with kids with ADHD because for some kids the rules didn't work....... they just could not see the benefit of behaving differently long term.
So, the point.... some kids are just harder to parent, lots of professionals advise from a position of supposed wisdom when the truth is they just had less hard work to do parenting their offspring.
I have a son with ADHD and That book was very helpful.
awful choice Brandy,you should know better.
remember it dosent have to be a toddler tamper.. its can be anything from.. breaking down in tears.. to screaming.. to storming off in a strop. even cheek back at mum or dad.
ShelleyCowie
09-Apr-10, 09:30
remember it dosent have to be a toddler tamper.. its can be anything from.. breaking down in tears.. to screaming.. to storming off in a strop. even cheek back at mum or dad.
We dont get screaming in our house, kids know better lol. My OH's oldest 2 kids are 6 & 8. They are actually extremelly well behaved boys. They have their moments as brothers do. But still very well behaved.
Athrun still learning obviously, his tantrums wont get him anything apart from being ignored until he is out of his strop.
Have to say all well behaved kids actually. :Razz Lets hope the next one is like that too! Hence why im prayin for another boy!!! [lol]
every person in this world has had a tantrum at sum point in there life, that dosnt mean we all have bad parents.... we all just wanted what we couldnt have or wasnt allowed lol
im a mum to one little boy and he is only one years old, and he takes tantrums when i take something he isnt allowed from him ie: my fone ......
that dosnt mean im a bad mum
and there will prob be a million more tantrums to cum, screaming tescos down for a toy. but its just part ov growing up and them realising what they can and cant have, also boundries.
x
luskentyre
11-Apr-10, 01:16
Unfortunately you're not going to get bad parents admitting the fact, so the poll is a little pointless.
My parents managed to bring me up to prevent any public displays, so I don't see why others cant.
its not saying that your a bad parent.. its asking if you think its bad parenting that causes it or is it normal childhood behaviour.. and are you a parent or not.
Metalattakk
11-Apr-10, 04:51
its not saying that your a bad parent.. its asking if you think its bad parenting that causes it or is it normal childhood behaviour.. and are you a parent or not.
Obviously it's normal childhood behaviour to push the boundaries and to try to get their own way. What's wrong is if it is allowed to continue into later childhood years.
I would expect the 'tantrum era' to be dealt with, and banished, by time the child is 4 years old. Any tantrums after that I would class as a definite symptom of bad parenting.
PS. I did not vote in your poll. If you want, I could vote 'No' to negate your own errant choice. Not that it matters much anyway. ;)
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