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Wrong e-mail address
Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!:lol: :lol:
A man goes into a toy shop to buy his little girl a barbie doll. He ask's the sales assistant how much barbie dolls are.
The sales assistant says, "Barbie goes to the Ball - £14.99, barbie goes to the Beach - £14.99, barbie goes to a Sleep over - £14.99 and Barbie gets Divorced - £214.99."
The man says to the sales assistant, "Why is Barbie gets Divorced more than the rest?"
The sales assistant then says, "Because she comes with Kens house, Kens car, Kens boat and half his money" :lol: :lol:
Billy Boy
27-May-06, 19:47
One day a man came home from work earlier than usual and caught his wife in bed with his best friend.
Enraged, the husband grabbed a gun and shot his friend to death.
His wife said, "Ya' know, if you go on like this, you're going to lose ALL your friends
Picture it: rural area, Sunday morning, church is packed and the devil decides to pay a visit.
The doors burst open, and a roiling black cloud rolls in with the devil in its midst. People jump out of the pews and run outdoors, screaming - all except for two. One is the Pastor, the other is an elderly farmer.
Satan is a bit perplexed. He points to the Pastor and says, "You! I can understand why you didn't run away, you are in your Lord's house, you preach against me everyday and you aren't afraid of me. But YOU (points to the farmer), why didn't you run out scared like everyone else?"
The farmer crosses one leg over the other and drawls, "Why, I'm surprised you don't recognize me...I've been married to your sister for 36 years!":lol:
Billy Boy
27-May-06, 19:56
A wife asked her husband: “What do you like most in me, my pretty face or
my sexy body?”
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: “your
sense of humor”.
A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to an old woman in the corner and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, £100 an ounce!"
Another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, £150 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, looks both beautiful women in the eye, turns and squeezes out a fart......"Broccoli - 49 pence a pound!"[lol] [lol]
Two men are occupying booths in a public restroom, when one calls to the other,
"There is no toilet paper over here, do you have any over there?"
The second man replies, "No, sorry, I don't seem to have any, either."
The first man then asks, "Well, do you have a magazine or newspaper?"
The second man says, "No, sorry!" The first man goes silent for a few moments, then inquires, "Do you have change for a twenty?":lol:
A woman takes her pet Labrador to the vet.
"My dog is cross-eyed," she says, "is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him".
So he picks up the dog and examines his eyes, checks his teeth, etc. Finally he says: "I'm afraid I'm going to have to put him down."
"Why? Because he's cross-eyed!?" asks the shocked woman.
"No, because he's really really heavy." replies the vet.:lol:
Billy Boy
27-May-06, 20:10
Wife: “Give me some money. I want to buy a bra”.
Husband: “Why? You have nothing to put in it!”
Wife: “Well, You wear shorts!”
Billy Boy
27-May-06, 20:14
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. If it just sits in your room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your phone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. If it just sits in your room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your phone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.
Oh so True!! got one of them at home and another that just visits from time to time!
Dog-eared
28-May-06, 01:44
A guy is getting blootered in a bar and says to the barman - I'm drinking because I went home last night and found my best friend having sex with my wife.
Barman says that's bad , what did you say to him?
Guy says - I said to him " BAD DOG !!"
There was an old man whose family could no longer afford to take care of him. So the family decided that a nursing for the aged would be appropriate.
Of course the old man rejected the idea, but no sooner he was convinced that it was the right thing to do. On his first day at the home, he spent most of his time laying in bed reflecting on life, feeling lonely. A while later, a care worker stopped by to see how the old man's first day was going.
"How you doing today?", she said to the old man, "First day I see". The Old man replied with a nod.
In no time the two began talking up a storm. As the conversation began to drag on, the care worker was eyeing the room filled with fresh flowers, cards and balloons from friends and relatives. She noticed a bowl full of peanuts sitting on top of the table next to the bed, and helped herself to a handful.
As the two continued to converse with each other, the care worker kept eating more helpings of the peanuts. She looked at her watch and noticed that nearly 2 hours had passed and said, "My goodness, the time has gone by quickly. I have to tend to other people here too." "That's okay.", said the old man, "I feel so much better being able to talk to someone." Looking into the bowl the care worker said, "I feel awful! I ate almost all of your peanuts!" The old man responded, "That's okay. Ever since I got these false teeth, all I could do was suck the chocolate off of them anyhow." :lol:
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'
"Twenty-six," he said. :lol:
An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said "yes".
The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny..."
After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage proposal.
"Oh", she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was." :lol:
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques-visulization, association-it made a huge difference for me."
"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"
Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn't remember.
Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?" :lol:
moose and Lindsay
28-May-06, 17:26
A Londoner parks his brand new Porsche in front of the Broad Quay office to
show it off to his colleagues.
As he's getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close to
the curb and takes off the door before zooming off.
More than a little distraught, the Londoner grabs his mobile and calls the police.
Five minutes later, the police arrive.
Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts
screaming hysterically: "My Porsche, my beautiful midnight blue Porsche is
ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters it'll simply
never be the same again!"
After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in
disgust.
I can't believe how materialistic you Londoners are," he says. "You
lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice
anything else in your life."
How can you say such a thing at a time like this?" sobs Lee
the
Porsche
owner.
The policeman replies, "Didn't you realize that your left arm Was
torn off when the truck hit you."
The Londoner looks down in horror ."OH NO !" he screams........
Where's my Rolex??..."
Good one moose and lindsay.:lol:
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